BE A MAN

Jesus must be at the epicenter of our marriage if we are going to navigate around marital minefields because He is the true essence of love.

MOST COMMON REASONS THAT COUPLES SPLIT/DIVORCE (marital minefields):

#5. Not enough attention

#4. Spouse’s personal problems

#3. Unfaithfulness

#2. Unable to talk to each other

#1. Growing apart

1 Corinthians 13:4-7- 4: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (NIV).

• DO NOT KEEP RAIN CHECKS (V4-5)

Often in marriage we keep rain checks to use against our spouses at a later time. Instead of communicating we hold it in until a later date; then we explode. Paul deals with this here as he notes several key words that describe causes of rain checks: Envy, boasting, pride, dishonor, self-seeking, angered, keeping records. To combat this, we need to communicate in a productive way to our spouse. A good example is something like practicing: “I felt _____ when you _____” statements.

Luke 12:2- Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known (ESV). I used to think I didn’t have to communicate in my marriage early on. I was on “auto-pilot.” As a result I would end up hiding my feelings and blowing up in anger later. I definitely used a lot of rain checks on my wife. When you feel hurt, patient and gentle communication is huge and it ends up spilling over into the rest of your marriage because you are open with your spouse, which establishes trust. Pride and selfishness is an enemy of patience and gentleness.

• DO NOT HIT THE DOWN BUTTON ON THE ELEVATOR (V6)

Unless you are Willy Wonka, when you get into an elevator you either go down or up. It’s the same with what we say to our spouse. We either lift them up, or bring them down. Paul talks here about not delighting in evil, but instead rejoicing in truth. Sometimes we get into an “I” vs “You” battle with our spouse and we do not want to lift them up. We get prideful. But, Paul says here to rejoice in the truth. We are to lift up our spouses, not bring them down. True intimacy is created when a husband and wife lift each other up.

Hebrews 13:3- But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (ESV).

• DO NOT ABANDON (V7)

Did you know you could abandon your spouse by shutting down emotionally? Paul talks about protection and perseverance here. I am guilty of almost a complete shut down early on in my marriage. Every time I did it, it would hurt my wife. Finally, when the lights came on in my life (aka: Jesus), I started to be engaged in my marriage and things began to change. Jesus taught me that a real man loves his wife like Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, as stated in Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (NIV). This is a command, not a suggestion.

Men, it’s not enough to just simply identify the minefields of marriage; we must be proactive in disarming them. We all need to ask ourselves, no matter how long or short we’ve been married- What do I need to do to prevent setting off minefields in my marriage? What changes do I need to make with Christ’s help? Remember, we can’t make any changes unless Christ is the author and motivation of those changes.